Sunday, December 21, 2008

Bomb Bomb Bomb...Bomb Bomb Iran

Well, those lovable theocrats are back at it again! Indeed, Khomeini, Ahmadinejad and their forever equitable, Sharia-based judicial system are centre of the international stage. What pressing legal question are they addressing this time?

An 80-year-old Iranian spinster named Setareh recently requested a marriage license to wed her childhood boyfriend, Jamshid. Facing the sad prospect of dying alone in a nursing home, Setareh's dreams were answered when the elderly suitor came unexpectedly knocking. "Seeing Jamshid made my heart start beating faster and suddenly the passion of youth returned," she said.

Unfortunately, Iranian law requires that a bride-to-be's father approve the marriage certificate prior to wedlock. As Setareh's father abandoned her at the age of two, authorities must determine if and when Setareh's father died; also, they will see if he was in the military at any time upon leaving his family.

Given the lofty ages involved in the case, Iranian lawmakers are speculating on whether the father is, in fact, U.S. Senator John McCain. The presiding judge in the case, Mahmoud Baghal Shirvan - presumably referring to McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin - said "well he seems to want to bang devoutly religious chicks, even to this day." McCain's spokespeople have so far declined to comment on his having unprotected sex in Iran in 1928.

Thus, a ceremony that should be completed as easily as opening a grilled cheese sandwich here in Canada, is taking far more time in Iran. It simply illustrates that mixing religion, one-party democracy and a dysfunctional family can lead to a tight situation.

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