My Walk to School This Morning - The Clinton Version

So I was on the sidewalk today, scurrying to the subway alongside my pals Sinbad and Sheryl Crow, when I heard a load POP POP! "Did someone just open a can of soda?" I thought. No, as a bullet whizzed by my ear, we're under sniper fire!! Jesus Christ, what have I got myself into?!

So next thing I knew, I was running to the High Park underground base, the Globe and Mail whizzing in a cool breeze under my flailing arms. 'Lots of Eastern Europeans in this region, granted, but this is fucking Bosnia!' I mused to myself, sprinting faster than an Albanian in Belgrade.

I finally made it, the glass shattering from shrapnel in my midst. My coffee nearly spilled as I barrel-rolled to safety, down the steep steps into the waiting arms of a TTC soldier. They ushered me inside, behind the bullet-proof ticket window.

I took a sip of coffee, scoured the business headlines, and shook my head. Wiping the gun powder off my sleeve, my eyes were beady, cold steel. The Bear Stearns deal just went up 5-fold. "Those fucking terrorists can't mess with MY day," I chuckled, blood running down my glistening forehead.

This never happened. I did sub-par work all day, and now I'm tired and ashamed. But to read more harrowing tales of exaggeration, this time by Mrs. Clinton, click here. She is, mind you, "only human."